Tag Archives: ocd

My brain

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I have the full results of my EEG.

I don’t have epilepsy – hooray!

It’s not my heart – hooray!

I’m having “Non Epileptic Attacks” – to me that’s not really a diagnosis. It’s more a statement of what it’s not.

My brain is so wired about something that it is choosing to literally shut me down. Sometimes by just to a staring blankly into space and shutting out reality and othertimes, the scariest times, by making me totally unconscious.

Obviously my brain can’t cope with whatever it is… now all I need to do is work out what it is, work through it and deal with it then the attacks should stop… Easy right?

TL:DR – Mental illness strikes again in the form of “non epileptic attacks”- it maybe all in my head but that’s where my brain is.

GFG x

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World Mental Health Day 2015

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Hello everyone,

It seems fitting that I should come back to my little corner of the web today on World Mental Health Day as the main reason for my absence is just that; my mental health hasn’t been that great. As some of you know from my Time to Talk post on the 5th of February I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder with Obsessive and Depressive episodes.

Right now, I am in the midst of a bit of a heady mix of them all although the good news is after waiting quite a while (my phone assessment was on the 8th of June!) I have finally been placed with a psychologist and we had our first session. She seems knowledgeable and I think we will work well together. So here’s hoping this is the start of recovery for me… or at least a little closer to living “normally”.

Recently I was asked where there any good points to my mental illnesses and if offered, would I get rid of my mental illness if I could?  So I thought I would share my answer with you here today. My answer is in reference to when my mental illness is under control and not as volatile as it is at the moment (aka “a good day”)

So the good bits:

1. I can actually work really well under pressure as I am more or less constantly under pressure in my mnd so external pressure doesn’t really phase me too much usually.

2. People find me very open and non judgemental as I know all too well how hurtful judgement can be.

3. My experience has given me the drive to help others in the situations I have been in and to battle against all mental health stigma.

4. I am very emotionally in tune with others.

5. I am an excellent at seeing all possible outcomes of any risk quickly as my brain is wired to see all problems far ahead of time.

6. When I’m not full blown OCD and I’ll I’m actually just really neat and organised.

7. I am humbled that my openess about my mental health has led other people to come to me in their darkest hour and ask to talk. This is what everyone with a mental illness needs. To talk. It really does save lives.

8. I think that when timed correctly aspects of mental illness are strength. Caring for an ill relative through the night? – insomnia. Need to work out all possible outcomes for your hypothesis for a lab report? – What if anxiety. Making your final draft of your PhD poster to present at a conference? – perfectionism.

Sometimes our greatest weaknesses are also our strength.

Mental illness affects 1 in 4 people. Next time you are out and about look around you. For every 4 you count one is likely to be just like me. We hide it well. So well we often joke to each other about it. But inside our heads behind our smiles we need someone to say it’s OK I’m here you can talk to me.

So talk to someone today. Have a cuppa and a chat. It’s good to chat.

Love, GFG x

The Orange Headband

2 weeks ago I took part in Tough Mudder Scotland in support of Scottish Spina Bifida Association. I managed to raise £115 for them which is awesome and I earned my headband! Yey! I hobbled clambered and carefully climbed my way round the course, completed all the obstacles except 2 (although it did take a lot of assistance and encouragement from the staff and my team <3) The staff were wonderful and helped a little with movement when it got a bit tough and extra water. I cannot thank them enough – they were amazing!

James was an amazing support as always I wouldn’t have signed up or crossed the finish line.

Without further ado, here are a few photos of us getting muddy.

inthistogetherJames looking ever so dainty in the mud

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Me looking happy yet terrified at the first obstacle.

Ohitscold!

The Arctic Enema is a tad cold!

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Our team mate Tony – hopping mud mile

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My adopted team mate and fellow hobbler Louise

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My super hero James doing the Funky Monkey

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Yes that is my bare hands touching mud 🙂

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Team Eeboo – together there is no can’t.

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Together we can accomplish anything.

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We just might need a lie down after.

It took me a while to recover – I still am in bits of me. But that orange headband is mine and boy did I earn it.

Is Mud Gluten and Wheat Free?

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Tough Mudder Scotland is tomorrow.

Arrrrgggggghhhhhh!

If you don’t know what tough mudder is… here is a link to a video

Yeah.

That.

Hahaha.

I’m doing THAT.

TOMORROW.

Have I trained?

Physically – kind of as much as is humanly possible in the house when my back and shoulders are the way they are and I have a current allergy to… something unknown. I know my physical limitations – they are many and despite being a sports person I get sore just standing more of the time. Tomorrow is going to hurt. I know it is. Not only tomorrow for probably for a good while after. I just need to pray for no migraines from too much sugar/ excitement and not eat in the morning in the lead up. I have a plan I made for the physical side I made with my GP involving super anti histamines and gel glucose sachet things to carry in my little pocket in my running trousers, lots of recovery time and most importantly TAKING IT AS SLOWLY AS I NEED TO.

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Mentally on the other hand – I have trained like an Olympic athlete. I am ready for this beast. I have been challenging my cleanliness side of my OCD by gardening WITH NO GLOVES. Fair enough it’s only a little bit of mud and I cleaned thoroughly after but still. It is a major leap. One of my anxieties is perfection and being the best – so the bar I am setting myself is “dead last beats did not start” as only 78% of entrants earn that orange headband at the end. Yup 78%. So even if I have to mantra and walk/ hobble all the way if I earn an orange headband – I will have achieved my goal.

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Image: pinterest.com

Plus I will have my James there as he always is by my side every step of the way as I am his, supporting each other to get to where we want to be successfully.

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If you have made it this far awesome! Thank you for reading! I am actually now going to ask you for a little favour. I am putting myself through this not only for some hopeful self growth but also in support the Scottish Spina Bifida Association. They are a fabulous charity in Scotland who support all those affected by Spina Bifida throughout their lives with not only medical advice and assistance but also companionship, a sense of belonging and support.

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I have Spina Bifida Occulta and the Scottish Spina Bifida Association have been a wonderful source of information, support and assistance when I have needed it most. Please take a second and donate whatever you can below. Even £1 will make a massive difference.

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Support Gluten Free Girlie doing Tough Mudder in aid of SSBA on Just Giving

Thanks ever so much!

GFG x

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Time To Talk 2015 – My Story

I’ve been planning to write this blog post for about 2 weeks now. It is probably the hardest one to write. It’s about something that I don’t tell anyone unless I am comfortable enough. But I have pledged to talk about this as it is something that I wish I could feel comfortable to talk about and talking can literally save lives.

So here goes.

I am Lisa, I’m 28, I do my job well, I am in a long term stable relationship, I love surfing, gaming, I’m slightly addicted to Pinterest…

And I have generalised anxiety disorder with depressive and obsessive episodes.

There I said it. That’s me.

When I tell people I have mental health issues I get one of 3 reactions:

1. (Least common – thankfully!) is that it’s “all in my head”, I shouldn’t feel anxious about x,y or z or I should “just get over it/myself”. This reaction doesn’t help at all.

2. (Most common) blank look, “oh…” Then never bring it up again. However, the relationship changes to be slightly awkward and lots of trying not mention anything remotely related to mental health.

3. (Least common) “I/ my aunt/ friend/ husband has *insert mental health issue here*”, “if you need anything I’m here”, “Do you want to talk about it?”. Thank you to everyone who falls in this category – I wouldn’t fight the good fight without you.

So what’s it like to have generalised anxiety disorder with depressive and obsessive episodes?

This is a difficult one – no ones brain is wired the same so my day is not typical to a person with the same mental health issues I have. However, I will try to explain as best I can.

At my worst, my day was filled with fear. I literally couldn’t leave the house, I didn’t eat, I had to keep the house perfectly clean, and I worried about everything (and when I say everything, I mean everything). Someone doesn’t text me back – “they’re dead!/ they hate me/ who would like me anyway”, I eat a morsel of food “your going to end up fat/ this will make you sick” you get the idea. When this was my life – I thought about giving up. But with the support of James and my mum as well as a few special folks I am still here and I am still standing my ground.

Today, I am a little better, I fight everyday to keep my thoughts in check and I take medication to help me in my battle (Effexor 225mg if you are curious). I was once told that “Your meds are like a plaster, if you cut yourself you wouldn’t leave it to get worse you would help it have the space to heal. It’s the same with your meds” and I use that every morning.

My job keeps me super busy and I have no time to let the thoughts take over. Sometimes I find it hard though. When I get up in the morning and have to get up out of bed, go out and face the world the voices are overwhelming. I can proudly say though that they haven’t beaten me yet. Even on the worst days I have not given in. And I will not let it beat me.

Recently I have been pushing myself. I got on a bus recently for the first time in nearly 2 years. I have went out for coffee with someone who wasn’t James or my mum and I attended a yoga class. It’s taken 2 years but I am getting there.

If you have mental health issues, know anyone with mental health issues or just want to reach out to someone who you haven’t spoken to in a while. Please take 5 minutes now. Asking a simple “how are you?” Or saying “I’m thinking of you” can literally change a life.

Please pledge not your money but your time.

It’s Time to Change.

It’s Time to Talk.

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/timetotalkday