Tag Archives: personal

Time To Talk 2016

Has it been a year already since my last Time to Talk post?! That is terrifying.

What I want to share this time is the truth as I see it. When someone tells you they have a mental illness what do you think? Will it change your view of that person? Will it change your relationship with that person? Will you have to act differently around that person?

The answer to all of these things is no. The person is no different than they were before they told you. In fact it is rare that people with mental illness open up with people about how they are actually feeling.

If anything you should have positive thoughts about the person trusting you so much that they can talk to you about their mental health.

As someone with mental health issues – I am very open about my conditions and actively try to start useful discussion on the subject as well as support others with similar issues. One of the best yet hardest lessons to learn with mental illness is you are not alone. However, I also know from experience that every single persons mental health is 100% unique to them. My anxiety will not be the same as every other person with anxiety. Similar traits and physical symptoms, yes, but identical no.

I, like many other people with mental health issues, spend a lot of effort trying to be “normal” and to cope internally. We disguise ourselves so well that no one notices we are ill. We go about our day and no one would know that inside we are at war – with out own minds.

I wrote the rest of this article specifically to illustrate what it’s like in my little unique head sometimes. During a panic attack. It wasn’t easy to do but it’s the most honest I could be. So, here goes:

Right here, right now. I am in the midst of what I call a functional panic attack. I’m not sitting hyperventilating into a bag just yet, I’m functioning; I look normal or even relaxed on the outside but inside I’m panicking.

What are you panicking about? I hear you ask. Nothing I don’t think – I woke up like this for some reason.

What are you thinking? Normal thoughts and questions but FAST everything is like constantly going downhill on a rollercoaster. This is my inner monologue:

“You should sort out James’ lunch”
“You need to take out the bins NOW!”
“Empty the dishwasher – there are too many dishes on show!”
“Now take your meds”
“You have a cold, make a hot drink”
“You should have something to eat – why haven’t you eaten yet?”
” Why haven’t you taken out the bins yet? – You should have done that by now”
“My god my back is sore”
“There are too many papers on the table sort that”
“But wait you haven’t had breakfast yet”
“You should do that article now that you said you would write during your next attack – if you don’t whats the point in your blog?”
“Don’t panic too much you’ll have a seizure”
“That breakfast isn’t very healthy”
“You haven’t taken your meds yet”

And so on.

While this is all going on – my autonomic nervous system has kicked in – this is the fight or flight side of the nervous system. The side that works when someone attacks you or you need to run away from a lion – this makes my heart go at 124 beats per minute (I measured it on S Health on my phone) as well as this my hormone control has released adrenaline (what they inject into people having in anaphalactic shock) and a whole cocktail of other wonderful stuff. Just to perpetuate the feeling that all these tasks are actually life or death situations and not just tasks.

I’m now going to go sit and try to calm my panic a little.

So there you have it. Nobody could tell if they looked at me. Neither the physical or the mental stress shows on the outside.

Mental illness is exhausting but it’s part of who I am. I just need to learn to control it and accept it.

One of the best ways you can help all the people you know who have mental illness, or even someone who you just think needs a little extra support is to talk to them. Let them  know you are there, you will not judge and you care about them. It will help. Maybe not immediately, but it will in the long run.

It’s time to change, it’s time to talk.

GFG x

Advertisements

RIP Lemmy and Bowie

bow1Music has been my main source of comfort, escape and expression since I can remember. When I’m happy I listen to music, when I’m nervous I listen to music, when I have pain I use music to transport me away from the situation – to escape.

When I was about 7 in primary school we done a project on space where we were to bring something about space to show and talk about. I brought in my mums cassette dutifully placed at the beginning of Space Odyssey. The musical adventure of a astronaut called Major Tom talking to Ground Control. A song that I listened to over and over again as a child and still do.

When I was around 10 I was given a compilation cassette with among other awesome songs “Ace of Spaces” by Motorhead. I would listen to this CD over and over and I remember jumping up and down on my bed air guitaring thinking I was an epic rock star.

As a teenager I was privileged enough to see Lemmy perform in Motorhead in Glasgow at what was then the Carling Academy. It was an amazing gig and I adored every second of it – they rocked my little world and their stage presence was astounding. It was so good that I could not hear in my lectures and labs for three days – they definitely turned it up to 11!

All the way up to now and I’m sure in the future I will turn to these great men’s creations for an emotional outlet. They’re songs are amazing and they will live on through their musical legacy.

If there is an afterlife then it just got a whole lot cooler to be there!

GFG x

 

 

 

Day Zero Project – A Mind Focusing Task Orientated Goals Website

dayzerologo2014_280w

So, this is a bit of an odd post – I don’t usually give into gimmicky and fad sites. However!

I have started a profile over on DayZeroProject.com – I even paid for a Plus Account.

The Day Zero Project is essentially a list of goals on a site that you can use for literally anything; but their most popular one is the one I am focusing on at the minute personally and that is: 101 things is 1001 days.

I have already started some of my list! 🙂

I will admit it is very hard to maintain (especially if you are me and you get scared even when the postman comes to the door with something nice. I hope I see it thorough to the end then I can say I have accomplished something.

I would highly recommend the site thoroughly to everyone and anyone.

My profile is: Day Zero Project – Mieliboo

World Mental Health Day 2015

image

Hello everyone,

It seems fitting that I should come back to my little corner of the web today on World Mental Health Day as the main reason for my absence is just that; my mental health hasn’t been that great. As some of you know from my Time to Talk post on the 5th of February I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder with Obsessive and Depressive episodes.

Right now, I am in the midst of a bit of a heady mix of them all although the good news is after waiting quite a while (my phone assessment was on the 8th of June!) I have finally been placed with a psychologist and we had our first session. She seems knowledgeable and I think we will work well together. So here’s hoping this is the start of recovery for me… or at least a little closer to living “normally”.

Recently I was asked where there any good points to my mental illnesses and if offered, would I get rid of my mental illness if I could?  So I thought I would share my answer with you here today. My answer is in reference to when my mental illness is under control and not as volatile as it is at the moment (aka “a good day”)

So the good bits:

1. I can actually work really well under pressure as I am more or less constantly under pressure in my mnd so external pressure doesn’t really phase me too much usually.

2. People find me very open and non judgemental as I know all too well how hurtful judgement can be.

3. My experience has given me the drive to help others in the situations I have been in and to battle against all mental health stigma.

4. I am very emotionally in tune with others.

5. I am an excellent at seeing all possible outcomes of any risk quickly as my brain is wired to see all problems far ahead of time.

6. When I’m not full blown OCD and I’ll I’m actually just really neat and organised.

7. I am humbled that my openess about my mental health has led other people to come to me in their darkest hour and ask to talk. This is what everyone with a mental illness needs. To talk. It really does save lives.

8. I think that when timed correctly aspects of mental illness are strength. Caring for an ill relative through the night? – insomnia. Need to work out all possible outcomes for your hypothesis for a lab report? – What if anxiety. Making your final draft of your PhD poster to present at a conference? – perfectionism.

Sometimes our greatest weaknesses are also our strength.

Mental illness affects 1 in 4 people. Next time you are out and about look around you. For every 4 you count one is likely to be just like me. We hide it well. So well we often joke to each other about it. But inside our heads behind our smiles we need someone to say it’s OK I’m here you can talk to me.

So talk to someone today. Have a cuppa and a chat. It’s good to chat.

Love, GFG x

A Personal Touch

This blog has been recipes and trying new products; but you have probably noticed I don’t really do “personal posts” minus my “A Time To Talk” post.

That is about to change. I have decided that I am going to write more personal posts on here.

Here is the first one (technically second). Yesterday, I got glutened. It sucked.

I went out for lunch with my beautiful wee cousin (not so wee – we were celebrating her 19th!). I had the tastiest curry after painstakingly reading the allergen charts I was given. We chatted, and ate, and then left.

After food we went and I booked a tattoo for next Thursday… I will post pictures after I get it done. Then shops and coffee.

After a couple of hours we had dropped her off and I was starting to feel like rubbish – cramps, nauseous…eurgh.

I still feel rubbish. Any tips anyone has for post glutening would be much appreciated 🙂

GFG x

Driving lesson at 1 this afternoon… hope I feel less nauseous by then.